What is it that is stopping you from being courageous ?
What is it that is stopping you from finding your passion ?
Is it an external excuse ? Your spouse? Your parents ? Your social image ? Really ?
Or is it internal ?
Fatma here .
I would like to share a small story with you , see if you can relate .
Since I was little girl I feared consequences of bad behaviour. I was always a good girl a good sister a good pupil ..etc . Never an attention seeker , always in the shadow doing as I am told, my biggest reward was to not get punished .
I had dreams of becoming the president back in my home country, i had plans and strategies on how to make the world a better place for us humans. Better roads, better schools, better hospitals ..etc. but I was always too shy to share those dreams with anyone, not even with my closest friend or my sister. I always just put my head down and did as told.
Parents planning every little detail of my life and pushing me hard in school to get the highest of grades but when it was time to stary to university I was told sorry too expensiv, they can’t afford it . So me being the non trouble maker, the chicken, the coward I just gave in. By the way 2 years later my sister went into medical school and two brothers went to do engineering. My father has sold some assets to fund for them.
I gave up on my dreams . Never fought for what I thought I desereved, did I not think I deserve them? I always trustedother people’ s opion in me . Especially the negative ones. Since I left my education my self esteem went very low. I believed that everything going wrong in my life was my fault although I was never the decision maker. I just thought I was jinksed. I got married and guess what ? My husband joined the club of those blaming me when things go wrong and saying i am not good at anything . I will not succeed at anything. I became a stay at home mum, everyone around me always undervalued me. Or maybe i undervalued myself.
Three years ago I decided I should get a driver’ s licence, my family was growing ( I have 4 children ) raising by myself, husband working abroad, just had a baby, just couldnt keep it on the foot all the time. Husband was firsto reject ( too expensive, waste of money, you will not pass . Cant do it ..blah blah ). I felt very scared , I was going to be in trouble. Husband was threatining to leave and file divorce papers ( not exaggerating ) But I was desperate. By the time I reach any destination baby would start crying. The winter is too cold for him to be in the pram.. So I insisted, for my children I had enough of them getting sick because they reach school or their clubs soaking wet. To my surprise I passed my exam a year later ( i will not say how many times I had to take the exam ). Believe it or not my husband bought me my first car.
This was big for me . I know I know some people get their driving licence at the age of 17, me getting it at the age of thirty is nothing to be proud of . But I am proud.
If something is very importatnt to you and you believe it will add alot of value to your life be brave and make an attempt at it, if you feel fear. you are probably on the right path. I mean if your goal is to learn something new. learn a new skill and you do believe it will have a good impact in your life how on earth can that be a bad thing? I do not mean just jump into any idea that comes into your mind but if you belive in your idea try to learn first how much time and effort should you spare for it . and dont be put off by the results before you begin. reading this article i am assuming you are a responsible adult. being an adult you should realistic (( if you want to acheive somthing you have not acheived before you have to do something you have not done before )) I dont know who did I hear this from but I am learning to apply it in my life as much as possible. i am also trying to teach it to my children. learn to get out of you comfort zone. From my driving licence story, i have searched alot for a woman driving instructor most of major companies didnt have women instructors available in my area, one other obstacle I had was having to take my little boy with in the lessons. most instructors say they dont allow other passengers onboard because they need extra insurance. i didnt give up until I found Shazia, she lived in the other side of Manchester, but lucky me she covered all the city of manchester price was very competetive and she doesnt mind other passengers on board. so we set off.
some people say that we are not born with courage we have to learn it, I do not totally agree with that. as a parent I do beleive that we are born with bravery and courage, it is in our DNA. we are just conditioned and taught to fear, we were brought up to become perfectionests and allowed to make mistakes. may be we made mistakes in the past and were badly punished for it, or atleast laughed at , so we could never handle that pain of being judged or mocked by others, so we started to give up on my dreams bit by bit until we stopped dreaming .
to overcome that from my own prospective is perseverence and patienceand just take baby steps. if that dream is so important to you dont give up on it. have you ever seen a toddler trying to learn how to walk but gave after a couple of attempts. They just dont stop standing and falling and getting up agai trying and for weeks may be even months until they master it, and voila they did it. never allow the fear of being mocked or judged just keep up an to be in the way of acheiving what you aspire to acheive. do it any way and grow your personality every day. remember if you keep it up you closer to reaching you distination everyday, just dont give up. I had to take the driving test five times . yeah yeah very funny. you know what ? so what ? I acheived it at the end and that is all that matters.
Practice makes parfect. the more you talk about your dream and visualise yourself after you have acheived it the more you will be attached to it. always visualise yourself in the new position you want to reach and act from that position until you reach it. Be warm pleasant and polite to your loved ones but firm about doing this for yourself and also for them . talk how it will make their lives alot better, they will believe and support you, if you believe and support yourself. I mean my husband was threatening to leave then he paid for my exam and after I passed he bought me my first car.
when you feel the fear hitting you remember the cause behing your desire. for me the biggest driving force is m children, their safety, their happiness and their wellbeing. I will fight the whole world for them.
Do not be lonely. it is the worst thing in the world. try to find someone from your surrounding to support you and encourage you. they will remind you and help you keep up. I mean in our good days when things are going well we do have the energy, but when obstacles arise we tend to consider giving up, so having support and reaching out for encouraging people can make all the diiference. they dont have to be family members or work collegues , look into youtube for some mentors about acheiving more and coping with obstacles. I like Brendon Burchrd, he gives ver empowering statements and speeches.
Find a role model, could be your little sibling or kid who has been through alot of struggle but went through it anyway and now they are doing so much better or look up the web for people who overcame their obstacles and reached their goals.
Getting my driver’ s licence was a turning point for me, I realised first i can have more and add more to my life without loosing anything ( husband wanted to leave then was so happy he bought me the car) secondly the reason I was in the shadow was not because of my parents or my husband or time restrictions or whatever. The deamon was in my head. I was in the way of me reaching my dreams . I had to unleash myself and let go of all my fears, you know why because i believec i was worth the money and time spent on giving my life more quality . Your dreams and passion are yours. Do not allow others to steal them from you, you might share them with others , but never give up on them to please others.
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